Driving south through the Pine river valley, winding through lush green meadows, the road meandering through Big sky Clear mind country. Not a care in the world, not a thought in my head as I gazed at the afternoon clouds building to the west as me and the dog headed home. I was just about to slip the headphones on and dial up some “Tupelo Honey” when out of the blue it hit me!
Right across the temple a blistering, terrifying and one in a gazillion thought: “what if the house burned down?”
Somehow, I managed to stay on the road and to wonder “who said that?” Even more remarkably, I managed to have a bit of a chuckle and think “Wow, talk about putting my self in Dukka Dukka!” Dukka is a Buddhist concept of Suffering, which is what the Buddha said he taught the cessation of. Dukka Dukka is the suffering we add via the attitude (s) by which we relate to just Dukka (suffering) which is universal and a given of life.
When the thought “oh shit the house is burning” arose, instead of becoming completely consumed by the drama the mind could have built as quick as a wink of the eye, around that scenario, I was able to stay out of the fray for a few seconds longer before succumbing to the nagging question of “why would I think that” or it’s cousin, “what’s going on to cause that odd thought,” I managed to ask before being pulled into various “why – because” stories and falling asleep behind the wheel. On the west side of Durango, I woke up to find myself pulling into the Giant station which had to mean that I wanted a Diet Coke.
Back in the truck heading up the canyon starting to smell the cooling air carrying the scent of fresh mown hay down the mesa, I got to pondering some things my partner had blurted out of late and how it is of late that the thoughts arising appear to be those of my oldest nemesis – nagging doubt that I am worthy of……..Why is that? If we make it up as we go, how come so many of us make up stories which enforce the conception that we are not worthy….inherently so? My hypothesis is Sin.
“Sin” the concept which has permeated and infiltrated virtually every stratum of American and Western Europe social structuring; not “sin” as some ontic given we all inherited through the shameful disobedience of Eve then Adam. The concept of sin and all the supporting concepts surrounding, many of which serve theologically mostly to prop up the a priori assumption of Humanities essential unworthiness in the eyes of God…..and you know this would include among many others, the sin of being gay, of being a woman, of being transgendered, of being the wrong color, of being poor, of being weak, of being diseased, of being a non-believer, of being an addict, of being……. touching everyone ever born on some level and inserting the devil of self-doubt into the collective consciousness.