Challenges of being a whole human being

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Today was a long awaited meeting of our dharma centered men’s RAG (Racial affinity group) which means we are all white guys. We began the meeting with a silent sit using one of members cell phone timers. We sat and we sat and then heard a “tap tap” and looked up to see V grinning sheepishly and confessing he forgot to start the timer. His vulnerability set the tone.

There had arisen some friction among us original members and mis-communication in our barely off the ground group around inviting new members, and one in particular whom I’ve known for several years and never known him to be less than disdainful of racism and white privilege issues.  I feared I would appear as an overly sensitive wimp in voicing my concerns of safety and balancing that with something a good white guy would do for another … I did the only thing that came to mind to do -calling them in rather than pushing them away.

I was grateful for the extra sit time  and I watched my mind jump restlessly from thought to thought. Thoughts of wondering if I really needed to know what’s changed? Thoughts of calling in, thoughts of what was the path, Then it was clear. My path is the way of the heart and of the flower which is an archetype of the beauty of our human spirits and noble human hearts.

Speaking my truth is honoring myself – speaking my truth when it is necessary to speak it is loving and caring for myself. We came up with quite the perfect white male privileged thing we could do – we kicked the can down the road and deferred to a woman.

Ending the meeting with another better timed sit my mind was clear and restful. There was no jumping around and my heart was clear and at peace and I drove home jup the snow covered country roads gliding in silence on the ice. In no hurry in no rush. Moving through life this day with ease and joyfulness

AHO.

Holding Silence – Holding Space

Looks like as part of my reflections on this last decade of life, that I am going back to previously written entries and finding parts of myself all over again.

The Way of the Flower

My wife awoke to the news of yet one more family member on life support waiting to die and woke me to the news as well.  Those notes set a tone and a wall of silence soon separated us.  Quietly, we went about our Sunday rituals of salad at the Oasis, filling the water bottles, buying newspapers and food.  Much time was spent in the car, my eyes on the road and her’s off to the side, gazing out the window at the countryside.  Some how or another I had the good sense to keep quiet….To allow this space of non-talking to simply exist between us, holding it.  We held hands and walked from the car to the store but otherwise we did not speak – we maintained silence averting our eyes holding our thoughts choosing to maintain this space that held us.  (It was uncomfortable for some time and…

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